Asta 2

Rant #138 and It Has Nothing to Do with Fandom

When I checked my mail this evening I found one single envelope, personally addressed to me. From the look and feel, I was thinking invitation. When I opened it I saw it was a wedding invitation. Now, most people probably enjoy receiving these things. Me? My first thought is "Who the Hell do I know that's getting married now?" After seeing the date of October 10 I realized it was Darcy, one of my co-workers.

OK, so I knew this one was coming. At least she didn't invite me to any of her showers so I didn't have to cough up money for two gifts. (If you haven't already guessed, we're not close. Actually, I don't particularly like her which is probably mutual hence our lack of speaking to each other.)

Anyway, October 10 is a Friday. The wedding is at 6:30. Um, we work until 5:00. Does anybody but me see a problem here?

I immediately called TC to see if she had received her invitation, she had, and was as perplexed as I. To silence my ranting she said "Oh, you can just change at my house" as opposed to me trying to change in a bathroom stall without accidentally falling into the toilet.

Then we actually looked at the map provided to see where the church is only to discover I live much closer to it. Actually, I'm the only one in my department who lives reasonably close to the church. Now, I get to look forward to two months of living in fear that the rest of my department will want to use my apartment as changing room central. I'm already envisioning Angie taking inventory and calculating how much my furniture cost. This is a woman who thinks people who shop at JC Penny are putting on airs. My entertainment equipment alone would probably give her apoplexy.

Now for a random change of subject....I was perusing my latest Entertainment Weekly this evening - the one with the Queer Eye crew on the cover. Here are a few of my favorite fine-dining tips from Ted Allen:

The only diet most people will ever need: Eat anything and everything you want, so long as it's natural. Just don't eat so damned much of it.

If it comes in a spray can, don't eat it.

Nobody cares whether you're using the right fork for each course, but the general rule is to start with the utensils farthest out from the plate and work your way in. If anyone questions your choice of implement, the appropriate response is to stab them in the thigh with it.


And Stephen King is now writing a monthly column for the mag. In his debut piece he states his views on pop culture. In reference to Antwone Fisher (haven't seen it, don't really care to)..."don't throw a bunch of sentimental tripe at me and call it social commentary...a $9 Hallmark card that amounts to 'Roses are red, Violets are blue, Life is tough, But you'll get through.' I knew that already, thanks, now go away." LMAO. Probably because it sounds like something I'd say. :)
  • Current Mood: annoyed annoyed
Okay, now's the time to start on major renovations at your place. Start talking about painting the walls, getting new couches, or replacing the light fixtures. Then, somehow, manage for it to end up happening on Oct 10th, so you're so sorry, but there's just no room for people to visit. Ooh, or maybe have family come to town?

Poor Asta. I give my love.
Ah, but see that sounds like an excuse. You want to make something up that you've been planning for ages, and OOPS! wrong weekend ;)
Didn't you have to schedule that pesky root canal surgery for that Friday?

Holiday?

Intervention for your heroin addicted serial killer friend in Attica?
Sshhh...we weren't supposed to bring up my heroin addicted serial killer friend. Besides, I've used that excuse too many times already.
Now, this is going to come across random and weird, but if there's anyone who can pull off random and weird then it's me.

Is this *really* rant 138? I mean, do you keep a count somewhere, and if so, isn't that really hard? I mean defining "rant" as opposed to "opinionated paragraph" etc. It's gotta be something special. Then there's also the seperation of rants because sometimes you can rant yourself into a rant, one topic leads into another and that isn't unusual. How would one count that? Is it one rant or two? The mind boggles.
LMAO. You are too funny. And that's coming from one "random and weird" person to another. ;)

No I *really* don't keep track of my rants. Partly because, as you say, one rant can quickly evolve into another. I just rant a lot so saying this is #138 may not be an exageration on my part. I don't know if it's because I'm opinionated or just a bitter little person. :)
I'd vote for the root canal. Then you have an excuse not to talk to anyone either.

Been there with being in close proximity to a reception.
I wore myself cleaning and making sure the place looked like humans lived there, then at the last minute everyone decided to change at work and go to a bar after church but before the reception.

Bought the Entertainment Weekly, and it was entertaining. Ted has good tips! *Loved* Steven Kings column just for his honesty alone. LOL!
Oh, don't get me started on the reception. Conveniently, they are holding it on the other side of town. Not like there are a half dozen or so places near the church they could have used. Nooooo. How much do you want to bet we have pooring rain that night? I think this qualifies as rant #139. :p
A yes. The caravan of cars tooling around trying to find their way to the reception, then find a drink to kill time 'til the darn thing starts. Got lost in a corn field once doing this very thing.

One of secretary's is getting married. Went to the shower last night. Holiday themed. We work folks had "Super Bowl" That was fun to shop for. Anyway, she is thoughtfully flying to Jamaica, mon, to tie the knot. Just her and him. Yay!
It's annoying enough to get a wedding invitation from someone who barely speaks to you, now you may be clothes changing central, does the woman have no shame?

You can always go with "don't ask, don't tell". Don't mention living close to the church (and hopefully no one knows), and maybe you can skate by.

Ted Allen is my favorite of the Fab Five, with Kyan a close second. Ted is just so witty and has a wry sense of humor, and he has great tips! I especially love the "stab them with your fork" one ;) I'm going to enjoy Stephen King in EW, I have a feeling I'm going to be nodding my head and saying "Oh yeah" a lot :)
Annoying is right.

Asta, can you simply decline the invitation? Would it be a big brouboohoo if you did?

Honestly, why do you think she invited you? Because she wants to re-connect with you? Because she is greedy and wants presents? Because she was uneasy about leaving any work people out? I'll bet it's the latter.

On the other hand, weddings are a great source of story-materials, and tales of the bizarre.

If they all want to change at your place, first cover all of your furniture with sheets, and tell them the painters will be arriving on Saturday morning. Then make sure the bathroom is spotless, and that there are no dishes in the sink. That's all they need.
I'd go with just declining the invitation, but I'm known as not particularly social, so nobody thought much about it. You have to train co-workers early to leave you alone. I've picked up lots of tips from Angel. :)

Weddings are really odd anyway. No one cares much about the significance anymore. It's all about the party and how many dinner plates you can get.

Caille is right in that they're great story material. Nothing's funnier than a seriously tacky wedding. My cousin had a friend who sang (off-key) and another friend who played the piano (badly). I got elbowed by my Dad to make me stop snickering.
I think she invited you for two reasons. She was inviting people from work and didn't know who to include or exclude without slighting anyone. And she wanted the gift.

Interesting stories at showers as well. Like last night. One of the bride-to-be's aunt was drunk or high, not sure which. She did offer to share your tequila though. Put a pint on the coffee table...with one shot glass. Ya know. The alcohol would kill the germs of the previosu drinker.
There are a grand total of eight people in accounting, not including our boss. She's pretty close with three out of the seven of us. Honestly, I think she worried about slighting the other four of us and I don't fault her for that. If I was getting married, I'd feel obligated to invite everyone in the department too.

I was telling my Mom about this today. Her immediate reaction as to the day and time of the wedding and the reception being across town was that it was poor planning on her part. Darcy was throwing this all together fairly quickly and she probably took whatever she could get on short notice. She's desperate to get married. I'm thinking she doesn't want to give the groom time to wise up and change his mind. :p